As parents, we absolutely want the best for our children!  We want to see them confidently and capably pursue their goals and effectively deal with the challenges that they invariably run into.  We want to see them create a life that they are excited about and are fulfilled by.  We also want to be available to support them in ways that feel good to us and to our child.

 

The reality is that parenting teens and young adults can be really exciting and rewarding, but it can also be really challenging!  The stakes are high, so fear and worry can arise as parents are inviting greater independence, and allowing the child to find their own answers and their own way of doing things.  It is really easy to slip into doubt, insecurity and critical thoughts about your role as parent, but these critical thoughts don't really help you to parent more effectively.

 

There is a beautiful dynamic woven into the parent-child relationship.  As parents, we always have complementary work that we can be doing as our children are learning, growing and working on themselves.  The changes we make as parents often create powerful motivation and incentive for our children to change. Parent coaching is designed to mine the gold that is available when parents work on being more present, better regulated, and focused on how their choices and behaviors align with the goals their child is working towards.

 

The Essential Practices (Link) form the core of the coaching work that I do with both young people as well as with parents.  These practices and skills allow everyone to be more present, to have less mental noise and distraction, to feel better resourced and more capable of being with a variety of challenging feelings and situations that arise when parenting teens and young adults.  These practices support what is often the biggest challenge in parenting; how to care for and regulate ourselves, so that we have the capacity to allow our children to struggle, to make mistakes, and feel the natural consequences of their choices.   Parents that are well resourced, present and clear about their parenting role and associated values, are better able to give their children the necessary “space” and opportunities to work through their own experiences. Without this space it is difficult for the child to move towards greater autonomy.

 

Learning and applying these skills helps you to parent more effectively, and there is an additional benefit that arises as you integrate these practices into your own life; you can help your child do the same.

 

The Essential Practices allow parents 

 

• To focus on the present rather than getting stuck in the past or getting ahead of ourselves and worrying about the future.

• To communicate from a place of curiosity and genuine interest rather than from fear and a desire to control.

• To be more available to respond to the child’s needs.

• To empower the child to take responsibility instead of enabling them to remain comfortable and take little responsibility for their process or the outcome.

• To help our children with executive functioning which can be difficult for young developing brains. These are the skills of slowing down, thinking ahead, planning, organizing, strategizing, looking at potential outcomes and consequences.

• To align parental expectations and boundaries in ways that support your values as a parent, your child’s values, and your values as a family.

• To allow space for your child to learn, grow, make mistakes and deal with the natural consequences of their choices and actions.

 

Parent Coaching is available for the parent(s) alone, or can be paired with coaching support with the child.  Often it is helpful to work with both the parent(s) and the child, to create greater alignment of expectations and goals.  Working in this way does require clear boundaries around communication so as to honor and support all parties.

 

Please reach out if you would like more information on Parent Coaching, or would like to set up a strategy session.